Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
