Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
