I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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