I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Do vagina's smell?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I'm both gender and math confused
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
