Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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