I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
