walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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