he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
