im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
