well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
