dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
