Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
