Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
