Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
