some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
