I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize