i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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