When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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