party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
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