I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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