Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
