2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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