I want to make a zoo with you.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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