In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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