sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You are a genius and a whore.
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