im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
