im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
i now understand why vodka
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
