I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
