All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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