chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
