found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
