The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
