I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
