I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
