Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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