farters have to be the big spoon...
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
