yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
