Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
