this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
