i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize