We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
