My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
