I bet he comes in French.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
