This house was built for laser tag.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
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