i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
