And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
4 words: hood of his car
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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