Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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