do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
