Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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