I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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