You don't have asthma, your pregnant
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
