yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
