screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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