Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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