I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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