but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
