my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
