What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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