We're like a lot better than the average bears
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
