So drunk, too bad you don't want this
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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