If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
