I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
