I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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