Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
