i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
