2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
