Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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