Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
