It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Randomize