I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
