I am in a vortex of obligation.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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