Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
50% drunk capacity currently
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
