Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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