Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
