Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
