Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
