There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
