i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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