She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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