biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
