Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
